When our baby, Aveer, was born, I took extended paternity leave to ensure well-being of Amrit and Aveer. It all started in the Hospital, when few of the times I saw Amrit was depleted in energy and needed rest, I attempted to assist by assuring her to go off to bed. “Try not to stress,” I’d tell Amrit. “I’ll take care of him. Get some rest.”

Definitely, Aveer would begin whining. I’d be working ceaselessly to comfort him, and in a little while I would hear Amrit running down as though the things were ablaze. Despite the fact that she never really said these words, the direness of her development and her non-verbal communication stated, “What are you doing to Aveer?”

It was as though she simply needed to know, at that millisecond, precisely what was happening and what she could do about it. In the end we used to laugh remembering it, yet from the outset I considered it to be an obstruction. To be honest, I needed the opportunity to figure out how to comfort Aveer myself, and I required the space to work it out. I wasn’t going anywhere if I don’t have a chance alone.

What I didn’t understand was that Amrit’s conduct was substantially more about her as a new mom than it was about me or how I was handling Aveer. I didn’t comprehend the weight she felt to adapt to the new mommy role and to comfort Aveer in every way she could.

It may appear to be odd to start an article about fatherhood with an anecdote about spouses. But I honestly feel that is the place you need to begin on the grounds that, while a mother has a direct connection with her baby, a dad’s association is through the mother and, to start with, the dad and newborn baby relationship can’t absolutely reject that.

If you see, it wasn’t the issue of who was correct and who wasn’t. We were just taking our own time as new parents to adjust in our beautiful new world with the baby. Amrit was correct to react. Simultaneously, I was also correct to have some space to figure out how to comfort Aveer myself.

This dynamic truth plays out differently in every family, isn’t it? Though I feel that premise stays same.

It all started well before Aveer was born. I used to read number of books and articles on how to comfort the new baby as everything was new and I wanted to be prepared. Though everything I read did help me to understand about the baby and adjust as soon as Aveer was born, yet no one absolutely talked about spouses and I learnt it on the go. Secondly, the information was so exhaustive that it took a lot of time to read and understand, and it was not always to the point. So that’s what influenced me to pen it down today. A few important takeaways which will help you 90% of the times and helps both you and your wife to have a peace of mind.

Actually getting in there and doing it additionally assisted me to get more connected with him. Truth be told, I think the two are related: You become more connected with your child when you actually take care of him/her. And the entirety of this develops your bond with your infant.

I asked a dear friend once — this was before I had a baby — how he realized what the baby needed. “He lets you know,” my friend answered. I had no clue about what he implied. By what method can a child let you know? Later on, when I was in the same place, I started comprehending.

The infant lets you know not with words or with the gestures or with the looks that go between the two of you. It’s more than that. As you fraternize, you figure out how to understand the baby’s signs — his/her non-verbal communication or his/her cries or coos in different circumstances. Whatever you may think of your better half’s clear sense for this, it’s an acquired ability that requires time, patience and togetherness for men like us.

Based on my understanding and experience and if the above-mentioned point of view resonates with you, here are couple of fun ways for you to invest energy with your little one:

First thing, I found out was that there is a particular way to support a baby during giving a feed. You need to keep the baby in the same pose as the mother when feeding. Kindly understand when a mother is feeding her child she nestles him close and he/she can directly look in her eyes. Hence, when I used to give a feed through bottle, I ensured to hold him in the same position, ensuring Aveer can look in my eyes.

This is a tactful task and takes time to be perfected. I will suggest to make an honest attempt at soothing the baby when crying. You can sing to him/her, stroll around, rock slowly, or locate a pacifier to calm the baby. It will help your baby discover that apart from Mom, you can also give him/her what he/she needs.

It’s is again a difficult job and however deep your sleep is, do take this job. I honestly took this from Amrit and it gave me enough alone time with Aveer.

Secondly, it helped Amrit to get few hours of extra sleep which she required to give her 100% next whole day.

So be the “rescuer of the night” when the child cries. This will give you and child valuable alone time.

Master tip: Be certain to have a buffer stock of bottles in the fridge of pumped milk for late-night feedings.

Children love natural air, so take your little one for a walk around the garden.

I made it a routine affair to take Aveer out on a baby carrier. Yes, use baby carrier instead of a stroller. This will keep the baby near you all through the walk.

Simply be certain that you have applied sufficient sunscreen if it’s hot outside and covered the baby well if it’s cold.

Put aside time each day explicitly for play with your little baby. After couple of months of schedule, we could actually observe Aveer waiting for the play time. Make it part of the everyday schedule.

Remember that famous saying, “do in Rome as Romans do.” Well very true for babies too. Become a baby with the babies if you want to be liked. You can definitely be that funny guy.

Start by simply making senseless faces that will make your child sparkle with a smile.

As Aveer grew we also attempted fun games like surprise or peek-a-boo.

It will be lovely when you will see your baby reciprocating the gestures. Those moments will be worth everything.

Aveer loves music and dancing to the tunes. After all he is a Punjabi 😉. I used to try dancing with him once he was 3 months old. Well, I think all babies love music and to dance. So try it as soon as your baby is couple of months old. Turn on some music (or sing a melodious tune) and move around house. As your child gets older you can assist him/her while standing and dancing till he/she can show some of his/her own moves.

You might not like hearing it, yet diaper time is a good time to connect. Despite the fact that it might be smelly and yuck, you do get the opportunity to converse with him/her and make senseless noises as he/she gets a new change.

Be there when in need. When your child gets sick, ensure you are there to take care of him/her.

I used to take full day off. Even during vaccinations and regular check up days. It helps you to understand how your baby is doing and growing.

Luckily, I and Amrit have adhered to a routine from very early days. We gradually started feeling it was the best thing we did to him. It made our life easier along with his. Aveer gradually started understanding when is the Papa time and when Mumma’s, and who will do what with me.

A routine is essential to ensure your child sleeps through the night as well. I will suggest to be part of the whole. But to start with you can pick something like as usual as reading time to be engaged with your baby. This will assist your baby in understanding that when Dad says its reading time, it will be sleep time soon as well 😊.

Hope this post was informative and helpful for you in some way as I shared my fatherhood journey from my experience. Everyone’s experience is different and as Amrit always tell me, all parenting styles are good; there is no right or wrong way in parenting because as Parents we always do our best for our children.